TRANSCRIPT

Well, how do we overcome imposter syndrome? There’s a few things.

First of all, here’s the truth. There’s nothing new that’s under the sun, except you. You are unique. Your voice, your character, your skills, your experience, your gifts, and your talents, are unique to the world.

So many women suffer with imposter syndrome because of the comparison trap, because we feel like we should be somewhere else than where we are, we should be somebody else than who we are, and we’re constantly comparing ourselves to what other people are doing. But here’s the thing is you are uniquely you. You are a woman, and I don’t care what the world says, women’s and men’s brains are different. The science shows that. We function differently, we make decisions differently, but that’s a good thing, that’s why we compliment each other.

Women, if you think about it, there was this really amusing video that you’d have to look up. It’s about the difference between women and men’s brains by Mark Gungor. He says, “Men’s brains are like boxes.” Now he likes to think of things in certain areas, like when he’s in his nothing box, he’s in his nothing box. Women, you know when you come home and you’re like, “Honey, what have you been doing?” “Nothing.” He literally means nothing. There is no decoration, there’s nothing else, and he dare you not bedazzle his nothing box, because the nothing box needs to stay empty. And men are very good at staying on task and staying very focused on that area.

But women, on the other hand, our brains are like a bowl of wire. Everything’s intertwined, the emotion and the memory and what Auntie said when I was seven and what the boss said, and what I should be doing. We never switch off. Men can literally switch off and stay in their nothing box and there’s no sign. Women, “But maybe I should do this.” It’s like this constant chatter. So if you’re constantly dealing with that in your brain, your conscious, your subconscious is having these conversations all the time, it’s a lot of noise up here.

So what do we do to calm that down, is again, is taking those thoughts captive. What am I thinking? Is this how I want to think? Is this just haphazard thinking or is this intentional? How do I then take those steps in order to make sense of the noise so I don’t drive myself crazy? And when you realize that the voice of the imposter, I like to call her Miss Biotchi, she can be real mean. She’s always criticizing like, “Oh my gosh, girl, are you seriously wearing that to work? What are they going to think if you do that? Oh my gosh, what if they realize you don’t have it all together?”

I mean, seriously, when you write it down and you start to realize and you turn a new face and you’re like, “You just be quiet. I’m not giving you the mic no more. You don’t have no say, because what you’re saying is not the intentional thoughts that I want to create. You are speaking lies. So just zip it, no more.”

But so many of us just allow her just to all day, all the time, driving us crazy. Negative, negative, negative, comparison, comparison, criticism, judgment, always looking at what everybody else is doing and feeling less than. But here’s, ladies and gentlemen, is the news. You will never feel good enough compared to everybody else because you’re not meant to be them. You’re not meant to be their living their lives. You’re not meant to be having their relationships, their business.

And this is what annoys me in the business world is so many people tout the, “Just do this and you’ll have an overnight success.” I’m sorry, that’s a complete lie. And here’s another thing that I think a lot of us overlook is time. In the Bible talks about having time, you plant the seed and then there’s time and then there’s harvest. None of us get to speed up that process. And for my clients, I often say to them, “You can plant the seed, but by staring at the ground at the seed hoping it’ll grow quicker, it’s not going to get you there faster. So how about you just enjoy the ride and then decide what you can be in control of?”

I can control my thoughts. I control my actions. I can’t control the peoples around me, but I could control my reaction to the situation. So if you feel challenged and you see something or somebody has some snarky remark about women in tech or women in business and all of a sudden makes you feel like, “Oh my gosh, I feel like a five year old again, like I’ve been teased on the playground.” You can say, “Listen, we’re not there no more. I know my value. I know what I’m providing. I might not be where I want to be. But I’m so glad I’m not where I was.”

And here’s another thing, as my mother always likes to say, “I pray you have elastic time.” I’m like, “That’s a brilliant concept.” What if we just stretch the timeline? And this is where expectations come into place. If you have an expectation of what you should or would or could of be and you’re not there yet, how about you just say, “You know what? I will get there. But it might take a little more time.” Especially for us mothers. I had the same situation where you start off your career and you’re like, “I’m going to have this goal. I’m going to do the thing.” But us mothers have the joy of raising children. And sometimes it means we’ve got to hit pause. Sometimes we can’t do the thing as quick or build the business or do the traveling and doing the things. Sometimes things just have to wait their time because there are other more important things.

And time is the one thing we all have the same amount of that we can’t recreate. And we don’t realize it in the moment that when you’re in the middle of the crazy, sometimes the crazy is the most beautiful because it’s all the demands that have on you and you’re doing the things. And, again, I always think of my mother’s voice in my head who’s like, “One day you will look back and you’ll remember those fondly.” And I’m like, “Excuse me, do you know what’s going on here?”

But now that I’m a little older, for those of us parents who’ve had toddlers and babies who keep you up at night, you think, “Oh my gosh, is this ever going to end? Well, before you know it, you have your kids asking for the keys and they’re leaving home. And then all of a sudden you’re not part of that. So I know it’s almost sounds cliche to say, but really we do need to count our blessings and just say, “Okay, I am where I am right now. I can’t control the future. I can’t be concerned about the past, because the past is done. What can I learn from it? And what do I decide to leave? I don’t have to bring all that junk with me to weigh me down.”

Because as far as I’m concerned, I won’t be driving like Formula One style. I have everything I need, get to the journey, but also enjoy the ride. Some of us have put our foot so far down on the accelerator pedal, we want to get there faster. But just ask yourself, is getting there faster going to bring you more joy? Is it going to bring more fulfillment? Is it going to bring more happiness? Because once you arrive there, where is there? What does there look like? Have you even thought about what there looks like? Have you designed what the final destination’s meant to be?

And it’s not to say it has to be set in stone, but having an intention of where you want to go, but holding onto your plans loosely, is what makes the ride so much more fun. So I hope that gives you a little bit of encouragement that you are born to be who you are born to be. You do have a destiny of greatness. But just allow yourself the grace and patience to get there in the time that it’ll take. And don’t rush the process.

If you’re enjoying the content, make sure to subscribe. Hit the little bell button so you’ll be the first to know when we release a new episode. Enjoy the rest of this episode at mimikacooney.com.