Fear of Missing Out

Have you felt the pressure that you were missing out on something big or important?

A lot of marketers are taught to use fear based marketing tactics to get a response, like “you better sign up by before the timer runs out!” Pressure, pressure, pressure, right? Using fear based tactics is only going to elicit a fear response and confusion, and a confused mind always says no!

Unfortunately that triggers the wrong response in people. What happens is they take action for self preservation, get stuck in indecision, or take the wrong kind of action because they feel like they’re missing out. Then they get buyers remorse, regrets and regression.

Trying to keep up with what everyone else is doing is exhausting! Chasing after shiny things that are not in your wheel house will eventually result in burn out, failure or you simply wanting to give up.

If you are not showing up in your business they way you would like, and you’re having persistent struggles, it could be that your brain is putting the brakes on your potential. If you keep hitting the brakes on what you really want to do by responding in fear, that loop will keep you stuck.

There is always a pull to find your true north, but it also creates this dichotomy of frustration between where you are and where you want to be (especially when you compare yourself to everyone else).

I prefer a different perspective. I come from the thought process that let’s slow you down to speed you up. What I like to help people do is bridge the gap between the two (the now and the future).

If you want people to enact change, you have to allow them to feel like they’re achieving something that is congruent with how and what they are.

Listen in and be inspired!

TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to the Unstick Your Mind podcast on Mimika TV, get ready to get unstuck align with your true purpose and unlock your God. Given potential somewhere along the line. In my career, I had a very, I would call a life changing epiphany, some call it the dark night of the soul or midlife crisis, whichever you wanna consider. But roundabout 2015, I really hit the wall big top. Now I’ve been one of those, uh, you know, I’m a recovering perfectionist. I’ll admit I still work in progress, but I’ve given up my membership to control, to control freaks anonymous. And it’s been so fabulous since then, but the little bit of what brought me there is, you know, I’ve always been very driven, very motivated, very much a go-getter that I’ll just keep going until I drop until I did until the wheels fell off the bus.
And I hit the wall big time. So right around by 2016, I had a trifecta of effects of a business failure. And then I had I lost a close family member to cancer, and I had a, a child in crisis and really what happened was I just fell apart. I physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, I could not continue carrying on because you know, life brings stresses. And sometimes we have these road signs along the way that says, slow down, slow down, speed bump coming. There’s a dear tour coming, but for many of us, uh, driven people, we just tend to keep going until we run out of gas. So anyway, suffice to say, you know, I was running a branding, um, and marketing business. Then I had clients, you know, three kids, you know, the whole shebang, but eventually when I’d realized I’d come to the end of myself, that there had to be reason to change.
Like I could not continue at this pace. And it really got me asking some really deep questions. Like, why am I here? What is my purpose? You know, the pursuit of perfection and people pleasing and, and accolades really becomes empty after you, you experience something like that. And really it got me on to really diving into it. And I’m a woman of faith, and I’ve always had that strong belief in that you have your, the spiritual side that also guides you. So you have the mind, the will, the emotions, as well as the way we are genuinely our personality. So I needed to figure out what was going on under the hood of my car, because clearly things weren’t working. And that really took me down the route of really studying coaching, how the brain works. Like I’m a real neuroscience geek, you know, I, I’m not a qualified therapist or psychologist, but it really started to dig into what is going on.
Like, how do I fix this, these habits? How do I change this behavior? Because clearly it wasn’t working and something needed to change. So it sent me on a whole another expedition of learning. And I went back and got myself certified as a coach, but I’m still always, I’m always training. I’m now working through a brain health certification course of how the brain works. Like what motivates us to change? What motivates decisions, what motivates action or inaction, how can we sort of like hack the brain and get past those limiting beliefs or restrictions we put on ourselves or past behaviors based on how we were raised, or maybe experiences we had because I’m a firm believer that the brain can change. And of course, neuroplasticity is, is coming up and the PR and the, the science is proving this. And that’s what I get so excited about is that things that we’ve always questioned and wondered about are finally showing true that the brain is malleable.
That no matter what brain you have, you can age backwards. According to Dr. Daniel Aman, and according to Dr. Caroline leave, she says, you know, we can change our brain to change our life. So that’s really where it brought me and having gone through that process myself and, and following all the, their processes and learning and applying it, I was just amazed at how I was able to reconfigure how I think my habits, my mindset, tools, strategies, and it sent me on a new mission. So now my mission is to help other people get unstuck, cuz nobody likes their feeling being stuck in the right, right. So that’s what I’m in. That’s why my title is the personal trainer for your brain. Just likely you go to the gym. , you’re gonna, you’re gonna sweat. It’s gonna be a little painful. I’m gonna kick you up the butt sometime, even if you don’t wanna know it, but that’s my style of my approach.
And for the students I’ve worked with, it’s worked extremely well to get them up and running. You can’t help somebody who doesn’t wanna be helped. They have to come to the awareness that something is wrong or something needs to change. And in my case, big fat slap in the wall is, you know, smashing myself into the wall and completely, uh, falling down, not advisable. I like to always try, encourage people to see the signs and to sort of start to really think a little deeply because in all the coaching I’ve done and I do coach a lot of business owners, as I always say, your business problems are personal problems in disguise. If you are not showing up in your business and you’re finding you having these struggles, it could be that your brain is putting the brakes on your potential, that you know, that feeling of I should be there and I could be there.
And so, and so’s there. Why am I not there? But we can’t seem to put our finger on it. Oftentimes it’s got to do with our habits and our, our muscle memory in our minds of how we’ve learned to react to certain situations. So when someone is aware that there’s a problem, it’s like, then we can fix it. Right? If you’re living in denial, it’s really hard to be able to take the action. But there’s always that pull what I call that compass pull to wanting to find out that true north, whether it’s your purpose or your destiny or what your, your assignment or what you mean to be doing in this next stage of life, this next step, which is good. But it also creates this dichotomy of frustration between where, where you are and where you wanna be. And what I like to try and help people do is bridge the gap between the two.
But sometimes it takes asking some hard questions takes looking under the hood saying, what am I, how am I thinking? So that’s why I call myself a mindset. Metacog coach cuz the term metacog, it’s actually a Greek term, which I’m half Greek. So that’s why it’s, it always fascinates me. But it’s how we think about what we are thinking about. Cause so many of us are going through life, bumping into walls, kind of ding life like bumper carts, you know, put a little foot on the gas and then you go a little bit off the rails and you bump into the corner or you bump into someone else and stop, start, stop, start. And we never quite get on the track and, and get speed and momentum it’s because we are not really aware of where we are going. We kind of are aimlessly trying things.
Maybe like I said, most people don’t need more hacks. They don’t need more courses. They don’t need more tools or strategies. What they need to think about is what they’re thinking about and how they approach that. Cuz here’s the thing having taught marketing before I can teach you all the hacks and tools and marketing strategies to help your business grow. But if you keep putting the brakes and having the fear response to, oh, I couldn’t do that. No, I couldn’t put my foot out there. Oh I couldn’t be on that podcast. Oh, what am I, what are people gonna think of me? Or, oh, I couldn’t speak on stage or oh no, I don’t wanna try something new. That is that loop that keeps us stuck. And eventually what happens is you either burn out or you fall, you, you give up. And unfortunately some people just resign themselves to all that’s how life is gonna be.
And they give up on their dreams. And that to me is a crying shame. So I always like to say like whether, what kind of thing you are trying to Mo motivate someone to do is like, what is the motivation? Why is it important for you to change? Like if you know, alcohol AA says, you know, you have to be able to admit that there’s a problem for them to work on it. Anybody who goes to rehab knows they have to admit they have a drug problem in order to be helped. So if we have a problem and we wanna find a solution, we have to be willing and open to perhaps being challenged, to think a different way. Like, Hey, I might be, I’m turning 46 this year. And I’m like, I have got some old habits and routines that I feel have served me, but am I teachable enough to go?
You know what? That’s not working anymore. Maybe there’s somebody else who can teach me something. And sometimes we have to be humble enough to learn from people who maybe even half our age, who maybe have more wisdom in certain areas. So, and I think that is important as being aware and being teachable. Are you willing to learn, get your ego out the way like it’s okay. We are all human. We fail. Nobody’s perfect. Right. You know, we all gonna make the hot messes out of things, but that’s what we learn. And then the third thing I would say is the way to progress is to avoid, you know, a lot of people are risk averse. They’re almost like too scared to try. Cause what, you know, what will happen is the fear. The fear takes over the fear stops us from doing things. I mean, if you remember being a kid, when the first time you learned to ride a bicycle, it’s like, oh my gosh, you know, this is scary.
I don’t know how to it’s all wobbly. I don’t have any balance. Like how do I pedal and steer and how do I avoid crashing into the walls? But we knew dad or mom’s arm was right behind us and holding us. But when we got momentum, they were, they let us go. And before you knew it, we were riding solo and it becomes muscle memory. Right? And here’s the thing from a, a neuroscience perspective, our brain, I like to call it a two year old, having a hissy fit. Most of our, our brains are developed to avoid discomfort. Our brains are naturally up. Back in the day, we would be running away from wild lions to keep ourselves safe. So obviously everything was, is a safe, is a safe, well, this kill me is a safe, like we almost like our brain always feels like we are on fire.
So we need to kind of get it to that stage where we can say it’s okay, but I know this feels hard. I know this feels risky and this feels uncomfortable, but it’s all right. We will get through this. You are safe. So you need to calm the two year old in your brain. That’s having a tantrum. That’s constantly questioning you. And I know if any of us parents out there you’ve ever dealt with a arterial, having a, but you can’t reason with them. You have to wait for them to calm. And then we can have reasonable discussions. So as adults, we all have that tendency to want to go back to that muscle memory, to what we learned what’s comfortable. So the real question is, are we willing to push our boundaries? Are we willing to risk? Are we willing to try something new?
Because you never know. We might discover something quite amazing. A lot of marketing and marketers are taught to use fear based marketing. Now, unfortunately that triggers the wrong response in people like you better sign up by before the, the timer runs out. Or if you, if you don’t do this, you’re gonna miss out like pressure, pressure, pressure, right? And unfortunately, using fear, tactics is gonna elicit a fear response. And then what happens is people then take action for self preservation or cause they feel like they’re missing out, but then you get buyers remorse and then you get regrets and then you get regression. So I’m come from a different perspective of I’m like I’m, anti-me mainstream. like even the way that I do my marketing and the way that I’m like, Hey, I’m opening the door. I’m gonna create space for you. I’m gonna welcome you to the party.
You welcome to join us whenever you’re ready, I’m not gonna push you. And I’m not gonna control you to make a decision, cuz I need to make my sales targets because I know every time I’ve ever been in that sort of like rushed, sort of graspy energy, it translates to the other person. And then what can that do? Create more of the same thing, right? So I’ve come from more of a let’s let’s slow down to speed up. If you want people to enact change, you have to allow them to feel like they’re achieving something. So if any of us, I mean, I’m sure most of us watch Netflix or have ever watched a TV show right now in the TV, uh, TV world. When you are writing stories, you always wanna create what we call an open and closed loop. So basically as you start the episode, there’s a conflict.
So, and so is happening. And what is the hero gonna do? He has to overcome the conflict, but especially in episodic TV, they might resolve that question, but they’re gonna open the loop for another question and then leave you on a cliff hanger. So, you know, you wanna keep watching because your brain is constantly looking for closure. It’s looking for resolution. It’s looking for, I gotta know what happens, who like, why do we keep turning the pages of the book? Why do we keep watching on, you know, on, on auto it’s because our brain needs to know there’s a start in the finish, two things. And most people in modern society are so plugged in all the time. They’re expected to always be on a loop. There’s never an off button. There’s never a back in the old days, fairy tales, the end, we don’t have the end anymore.
we are keeping people like social. Media’s designed to keep us sucked on every platform. I mean, you know this, whether it’s Facebook or Instagram or, you know, YouTube, they wanna keep you on their platform because they know their intention is to sell more advertising dollars. So what can they do to keep you from leaving? They’re trying to hack your brain to keep your finger plugged. It’s like, if you imagine you stuck sticking your finger in the, in the wall, socket getting shocked. What’s gonna happen. If you stay with your finger, plugged in the wall, you’re gonna get fried. Right? And then what happens is eventually people then get burnt out, you know, break down oversaturated or they shut down. So my viewpoint is let’s kind of figure out what those triggers are. Why have you been running on a loop constantly? And that’s why a lot of the clients that come to me are either on the verge of burnout or have just had burnout and are trying to figure out how do I get off the rat race?
Or how do I get off this, this constant push, like feeling like I, I gotta do. You gotta do. You gotta do it’s because society has trained us to think like that. So it’s almost like you gotta do the opposite in order to get the results you want is you want people to take action. But I would like to rather paint a picture of positivity of where they can be. So my anti, uh, mainstream media marketing isn’t, you know, look what you’re missing out and you better act or where else I’m like, let’s dream about where you wanna be. Let’s take the little fuel limitations. Let’s think big. Let’s be the PI Piper instead of the, the school master headmaster principal. Who’s gonna tell you you’re gonna get a weapon if you don’t do or else. Right. And I think people are, and the world is getting saturated.
We’re getting tired of that kind of treatment of, let me think for myself, let me decide in my own time, because here’s the thing is when somebody is committed, they are, they’re gonna take the action. If they’re just interested, there’s a difference between interest and commitment, right? Yeah. That’s cool. Nice. It’s like window shopping. No one actually buys from window shopping. You’ve gotta actually walk in the door. How do we make somebody walk through the door? We gotta make the environment enticing. We gotta be positive. It’s like, you know, you gotta have the flowers to attract the bees. You know, what’s the point in trying to use a negative result, a negative fear tactic. So that is my mission and get on my soapbox and tell, talk about this all day. I’m really trying to change how people’s reaction to those instances. So now a lot of my students, after working with me, they’ve built more mental resilience and they get to recognize when things come at them.
Cuz it’s not to say the world’s gonna stop anytime soon, these things will continue. We, we are constantly being bombarded with messages every day that are fear based or negativity. I mean learn the news. You even wants to go there, right? We even even wanna start with that. So how can we build ourselves up and say that you are, you have it within you to bring out the best in you. We just need to shut out the noise. We need to calm it down. We need to go slow in order to speed up. It’s kind of like I was having this conversation with my husband the other day and he’s in this growth phase and he’s, he runs a SAS company and we were talking about it. I said, you know, I have this picture. It’s like, you are a runner. And he is a runner running on the race, a, a track on the race, right?
He’s got all the shoes and he’s done all the training and he’s like super fast and HES running up to his limits. He physically can’t do anymore. But the next, the next requirement of his race is he doesn’t need a pair of shoes. He needs a vehicle. He needs a car. So what does that mean is he’s gonna have to turn in his running shoes. He’s gonna get back into the garage. He’s gonna have to build the car. He’s gonna have to figure out how the car works. He’s gotta get under the hood and get rid of all the old junk. That’s not working, replace the fan belt and the, the oil change. And I mean, I’m not that into cars, but I love the analogy of that because here’s the thing is when he comes out on the track in the car, he’s gonna go so much faster, so much more efficient and he’s gonna use less energy.
And that’s kind of where it brings me to really helping people come to that stage where they they’re using less energy, but they’re being more efficient with their thought processes. With their energy, like in women, especially are, are, are very bad at comparison is like, and I suppose anybody really you’re seeing somebody else. Who’s making taring, oh, we’re making six and seven figures. And then all of a sudden you’re like, oh, what am I doing wrong? Right. Instead of like, Hey, you run your race in your lane. I’m gonna sustain mine. I don’t care what Susie Q’s doing down the road. She might have a hundred thousand Facebook followers, but really her audience is not my audience. I’m running my race at my pace. And sometimes I might need to slow down to go in the garage and fix a few things, get rid of stuff so that I could run the next stage on the next lap being more efficient.
So that’s kind of what I do. I’ll help people get under the, get rid of the junk and the trunk and speed up and, and optimize the vehicle. So they are ready to really take on what they wanna do with the right tools. Oftentimes we think we’d be missing something, but I always firmly believe that you have the answers within you. We just need to slow down to figure out what they are to decide what that needs to be like in a business setting. You know, there’s a saying that the, you know, the people and the team that got you there, isn’t gonna get you there. You know, who got they got you here. Isn’t gonna get you there. So the tools, the strategies, the, the way that you thought let’s say let’s use income, for example. So you go from zero to a hundred K a year, takes one set of skills in a certain sites team.
But as soon as you start scanning the business and you wanna go like, you know, half a million, uh, you know, six, seven figures and you, it requires you to be a lot more streamlined. You have to have a system in place. You have to be very clear about your who and your do and your, what you can’t be tinkering in the garage. Still trying to patch work, stick on, you know, a, a, a ma left from a, for while you’re bullying a Ferrari. You know, it just doesn’t work. You’ve, you’ve got to be very clear about where you wanna go. But what I love to do is take out and take away the restrictions and limitations and say to people, forget about what everyone else is doing. Let’s paint a picture. And if, if I gave you a blank canvas, paint the picture for me of how your life, your, your business and your world would look like instead of you constantly feeling like you’re catching up, forget about all that.
Let’s just burn it down. Let’s burn it all down. Let’s start from scratch. Go back to who you are at the core. So a lot of the stuff I do are also behavioral science consultants. So I like to look at the reasonings, why people behave that way and also personality. Like maybe you weren’t designed for that. Maybe, you know, you’re trying to be an expert or you’re trying to put yourself out there as if you are, you are super bubbly and you’re this extrovert. When you are screaming inside as an introvert, there’s always gonna be that, that friction, right? So I’m all about, and it’s more than just, I mean, I feel like the word purpose has become so cliche, but it’s important to be aligned with who we are meant to be. And in, you know, and our family believes who God made us to be.
It’s almost like we fighting against our factory settings and we are trying to fit. It’s like a computer. You’re constantly adding all these extra apps and stuff, and eventually what’s gonna happen when it gets saturated. It’s gonna crash. You have to go back to your factory settings. What, who are you, what were you designed to be? Let’s forget about the weaknesses. Let’s focus on your strengths and how can we highlight those strengths? And then cause what happens then is you become very confident and you become calm. Your clear, your thinking becomes clear because you are slowing down while everyone else is at a mad rush. You are able to say, you know what? I don’t get rattled by what so. And so’s doing, because that’s not for me then comparison. Isn’t a problem competition. Isn’t a problem. And you don’t feel like you’re running out of time.
So yeah, that’s kind of what it brings me to is really just coming back to the, your true north and who you are and what you meant to be doing. Here’s another thing that it’s important. And this is also a neuroscience thing is our, if you think of our brains like a computer, right? If you have too much input you a confused mind, we’ll always say, no, there’s actually studies out there. I can’t remember who did them, but there’s studies that show that when they presented too many options to people, it’s like our brains can’t think of more between more than three or five, or like if you’ve ever walked into a, a, uh, McDonald’s or a burger king or whatever, and you see the, the, the menu in front of you or those mom and pop stores who wanna sell you everything. But in the kitchen sink, it’s almost like, you’ll get the sense of like, oh, oh, I can’t decide.
So what does your brain do? It wants to preserve energy. So what it does, it says there’s too much conflict in deciding. So I’m just not gonna decide. I’m just gonna shut down. Like this might be coming at me at a hundred miles an hour, but instead of making a decision, instead of buying, like it’s just too much my brain, I would rather walk away. Like I’ve been to so many events and I come back with these little goody bags of everyone who wants to give me their thing. And it’s all exciting, but you come back and it’s almost like a sense of like, Ugh, you almost get either sad or, or depressed or tired when you come back. It’s because your brain has had to process so much input in a short amount of time. We haven’t given people space to actually really think about and guiding them along the process.
So here’s, here’s an example. If you’ve ever gone to a flea market and you, you see all the different options like this candle place, and then there’s a hand Wicker place. And then there’s a Floris and it’s like choices, choices, choices, choices. If you ever go to Cartier or Tiffany, have you ever seen the things in the window? They have one item, nicely displayed, clean background, N beautifully looking watch or a ring. They don’t want you to compare that with the other people or the other products next door. They showing you looking at this wonderful watch. This is why it’s beautiful because it’s got the dials and it’s got, it’s finished with, you know, crystals. And it, you know, automatically whatever the, the features are, painting the picture of the beauty of what it, what it could be, what it could feel like you are wearing it.
Like, can you imagine your life and how you’re gonna feel wearing this product, right? Their brain is just thinking yes or no, there aren’t. Do I take this or do I take this? Do I have this do rather we we’ve eliminated the choices. So I would, I would say from an event perspective and, and I’m also gearing up to do live events with my students. I come from a lesser more approach. I have more of a cart approach to the way I teach. Like, you are gonna do one thing this week, but when you do that, we are gonna throw such a big party. We are gonna be like, yay, you got your nails done. Yay. You actually read a book. Yeah. Cuz we’ve forgotten. You know, we never closed the loop. It was back to, you know, we never say the end.
We never allow our brain to go, you know what? You did that process information, file it away where the rest of us are. We feel like our brains, we’ve got all these open files that are constantly, you know, all these tabs open. And we constantly shifting and moving because I really a multi-tasking is a myth. You’re not really multi-tasking, you’re just switching from one task, stop, start, stop, start, stop, start. And if anyone knows, you’ve ever had a long to-do list in a day and you get nothing done, you feel terrible, right? Mean what if we, what if we switched it and said, you only need to do this one thing today. And when you do go celebrate, go have something fun. And what’s what that’s gonna do. It’s gonna build your mental resilience and you are going to be able to at approach and take on harder things because you know, you’re working on one thing.
It’s almost counterintuitive. Well, creating an environment of safety is super important for people to engage because here’s the thing is, you know, a lot of these events or things that we do we’re in consumption mode. We’re sitting back, it’s like watching a movie, right? You’re not actually involved, but you’re watching and you, you, you don’t feel like you have to do anything and you’re just consuming, consuming, consuming. But eventually, you know, if you consume too much information, like we’ve said, the brain’s gonna shut off. So how we create safety is I always believe in leaning into creating a two-way conversation. So in, in my coaching, the re how I’ve done, this is instead of me just teaching at you and saying, standing on a stage and saying, go and read this and go and do that. I’ll give them shorter amounts of information, but then I’ll open a conversation.
Like, what are you thinking? Like what came up for you when I presented this information? So I always prefer more of a round table discussion. We’re gonna teach you on one topic. We’re gonna give you a little information and then we’re gonna go to work. And we’re gonna, we are gonna sit amongst smaller groups. Cause people feel safer in a smaller environment where they don’t feel, you know, like who really liked having being called on in class, right. When we were kids like the teacher calling you out, nobody likes that. And nobody likes to be criticized publicly either. So we never want to be adding any shame or blame or making people, people feel less than because they will shut down. So we want to always be in an encouraging environment of that is awesome. You learn that. That is so great. What did you learn?
And then you start to find in a group dynamic, people start to learn from each other. So having these round table discussions of well, so, and so said that like the speaker could say, we have this da, da, so, and have, you know, your, your assignment for the next 10 minutes is to really talk aside, like what came up for you? Like she might, you know, Susie might say one thing and Pam might say another, but maybe their opinions differ or maybe they heard it differently. Like you can give one recipe to two different chefs and they will come out with totally two different cakes. So I’m all for create the conversation. Like, and if we just took away the criticism and judgment, like you have every right to your opinion, I’d like to hear it. Like, let me lean in and listen to what you’re saying.
Cuz you might inform me on something I’ve never thought of thinking of before. Cuz those have been my greatest aha moments and, and moments of, of development is having that attitude of being teachable. Hey, I might have 20 years experience in marketing, but I sure don’t know everything. Like teach me what I don’t know. Even if I’ve been doing something for 20 years and it turns out it is wrong. Okay. I’m happy to put my pride in my pocket and say, you teach me a better way. I’m happy to learn. But most people don’t want to have their egos hurt. So we sometimes find that a little hard to raise our hands and say, Hey, I have a question because we don’t wanna be put on the spot and we don’t wanna feel like we’re judged or criticized. So I always like to take an approach for how can we create a safe space by allowing people to have their opinion and to talk things through as a discussion, this isn’t a lecture where you just sit and hear me drain on.
Cuz every people fall asleep with that. How can we create a two, a conversation and then input? Like I’m always asking people of your feedback. What, what did you learn about that? What are your ahas? Like we gonna talk about this this week, but next week I wanna know what you going to, what you did well, like what’s the one thing you’re gonna do, not 10. What’s the one takeaway you’re gonna do. And how are you gonna implement that over the next month or year or whatever? Even if it’s just one thing you focus on. And I, I really think that people will gain a lot more confidence and momentum where they feel like they are achieving that one thing. They’re implementing that one thing and then you can see results. So I’m all for, if you’re not getting results and transformation, let’s figure out why let’s peel it back, go slow to go fast and to figure out how to eventually get you moving.
Cuz nobody likes the feeling of being stuck. But sometimes we need somebody else to help us see what we’re not seeing. Cuz we all have blind spots. That’s the whole point is right. Is the feeling of being able to put your defenses down and to really be honest, cuz really people are always wanting an honest answer. But again, the fears and anxieties and judgment, we feel from others. We feel like, you know, we have to put the mask on and pretend like it’s all fine. So I, I really truly believe in that that you know, and this is lots of people talk about this, the power of story. And a lot of the time, like when you can see somebody say, oh I went through that too or me too. Right? That’s why these things resonate. Because if you feel like you’re not the only one, if you feel like you’re not the only one who’s going crazy.
Other people are dealing with the same things as you and collectively coming together and saying, Hey, you know, I know you’re having a problem with your teenage son. You know what I tried with mine. Maybe you can try that instead of teaching at people, we need to share and encourage. And this is a great thing. Like I was born and raised in South Africa and you know, one thing that is very strong in the country is this tribe mentality of community support, which unfortunately in modern society we’ve lost. Like even my Greek side of the family is there’s always an auntie and uncle or a cousin, somebody, you know, who knows somebody, who’s got something who can connect you with something or babysitters or somebody who knows a florist or, and we’ve lost that. Unfortunately, this, we are highly connected digitally, but we are the most disconnected society and generation that’s ever been.
When’s the last time you went down to, you know, your neighbor’s house and had a cup of coffee and just asked how their day was or when was the last time you got together with a friend from school and reminisced about, you know, things. I mean obviously with the world, we’ve just reliving in a lot of us are isolated at home, but I think if we can create that community feel again and we can kind of really start to get back to the basics of who we are as human and, and humans need connection. I need to know that you like me or we’ve been through something similar. And then you, you open up and you feel safe to share your heart because you don’t feel like you are out on the fringes, right? You feel like you’re in a tribe in a community who understands you, who gets you, who who’s at the same level as you like, even from a business perspective.
You know, one thing I remember when I used to go to these conferences that, you know, if I’m a startup business, there’s no point in putting me a room with millionaires because their mindset is so different to minors and what that does. It, it serves neither of us because the MI the millionaires got his own issues of growth and scaling and team where the solopreneur has got his or her own issues. And by comparing each other, we are not being effective at all. So I love that approach of putting people in like-minded groups or same maybe the same goals or maybe to self-identify that this is where they wanna be because going forward and we are already seeing the shift in the way that we see advertising is this generation wants customization and personalization. Like, you know, I have two 20 year olds in my family and uh, and a 11 year old and I can really see, they’re like, I don’t want what everyone else has.
I want something that’s customized to me. I want something that speaks my language. I want something, that’s my style, my speed, my lingo. So I think this whole mass market spray and pray and hope that, you know, you push out your message to as many people as possible. What if they’re the wrong people, you know, trying to fool a bus and shove it full, but they’re the wrong people. Are we gonna get to where we wanna go? You know, were talking about habits. So if, if it’s taken you quite a few years to get yourself into a hot mess, it’s gonna take a little while to get yourself out of it, which is why like Caroline leave talks about it. That I think her research is 60, 64, 67 days to, to fix the habit. So my viewpoint is, you know, that’s why I like 90 day planning or 90 days.
Like it seems achievable. It’s not like let’s think of the next three years. Like that’s quite daunting for most brains, but 90 days is like, okay, I can kind of see where 90 days will be. And following a process for that long, you get past the, sort of the, the, the initial fear and then is what we call the messy metal. Like, let me get over this stage where it feels like nothing’s growing and you know, whether you are writing a book or going on an exercise routine, the messy metal is always hard because that’s when a lot of people give up, cuz they’re not seeing the results they wanna see. But the, but really the trick is to keep going until it becomes new muscle memory. And until you, you stop thinking about it, your brain stops resisting you and you stop thinking, oh, I can’t do it this way.
And eventually like, okay, this feels safe. I can do that. And then take the second 90 days to really reinforce it. So I would say, if you really wanna do anything, change wise, you looking at at least six months, if you, if you are willing to be prepared, put up with the challenges and know that it’s no instant quick fix, but here’s the good news. Once you’ve developed a new habit and you’ve made the new habit of muscle memory in the future, it’s not gonna take nearly as much energy and you’re gonna be so much more efficient. It’s like getting in the vehicle, right with premi- grade gas. You’re gonna get there so much more smoother, more enjoyable at the highest speed in style. And I think that’s much better where the travel. So I’ve always been a classically trained ballet dancer all my life.
And I always wanted to learn to figure a skate, but I always thought I was too old and too slow. And oh no. Why would I wanna do that? But I just decided that one day, this is something I really wanted to do. And I was prepared to put in the work. So at the age of 31, got myself, a, a Leo Todd and ma skates. And I have been working with a coach every week for the past 12 years and have taught myself new skills, new balance, new muscle memory. Cuz I improve that. You can teach an old dog new tricks. The, so, you know, when I talk about muscle memory and reading, it’s, I’m the Guinea pig. I have been through this myself. And you know, as I said, I don’t teach anything that I haven’t personally experienced, but really what that has shown me is that the brain can be taught.
You can relearn things, even though, you know, as an adult, we overthink everything. We always question everything. It’s much harder to teach an adult than it is a child, but it can be done with a lot of perseverance discipline about showing up regularly and sticking with your commitments. And some of us need a little bit more accountability. So thank goodness to my coach. She really will whip my butt. If I’m not there on a Tuesday, she’s like, I’m expecting you there. I get paid whether you arrive or not. So it’s in my interest to show up and sometimes are good and sometimes are bad. Like sometimes it’s really sucky and I come home. I’m like, oh, that just felt terrible. I couldn’t get anything. Right. And I just have to remember trust the process. Trust the process is gonna be good days. There’s gonna be bad days.
Some days I fly some days I fail some days I fall a lot. So, and I’m okay with that. Cause what we do, if we fall, we just get back up again and do it again, right. Might have a few bruises, but we can get over that. So exactly. So that’s a little bit of encouragement that no matter what you are thinking and dreaming or planning and wanting to do, there’s always a do over there’s always time. It’s never too late. You can always set the reset button. You can always go back to factory settings, but you just have to make, be aware, be determined and be consistent enough to show up, to put one foot in front of the other because it can be done if you, if you prepared to do it. So hope that’s an encouragement. Are you ready to change your brain to change your life? Discover how to break limiting beliefs, stop self sabotage and unlock your full potential by rewiring your brain using neuroscience coaching and faith-based principles. Come and join my coaching program Unstick your mind today.

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