Two years ago I had this big dream to launch a faith-based community, website and group to empower, ignite and inspire women of faith to unlock their purpose and pursue their God-given calling. I was super excited, I had the website built out, content planned and was ready to go. I had this awesome intro video made, I had a professional bio video recorded, I had the systems in place, I had an assistant to help me, and I was ready to roll.
Then 3 days after I launched this group and website my mother-in-law passed away from cancer. I was crushed! All that excitement quickly died down and I was faced with grief, loss and a family that needed me. My big plans went out the window, and I was embarrassed that all those promises I made to my audience came to nothing. I dropped everything and all I could do was take each day slowly to get to a place of recovery.
I felt like a complete failure, a fraud and full of talk with no action. All this time I had been praying, crying and asking God “Why would you give me this big dream only to let me be disappointed when it crashed and burned?” I’ll admit I don’t take failure well, and I was losing hope with feeling knocked down once again. In my “When God when?” lament I would get so annoyed that God wasn’t moving things along fast enough, and I’ll admit I got a bit angry that He wasn’t coming through for me even though I had numerous promises that He would.
One of the virtues I have to work on daily is patience, I’m not very good at waiting and want things NOW. I could not understand why God would let me get so far only to hold me back from what my heart was telling me I should be doing. After a pity party, lementing, getting very frustrated and a little jealous of others who had their break through; I had to just let it go. I gave up. I said “God I can’t do this anymore.” So I laid it down, let it go and left it for two years always wondering if I made the right choice.
During that time God worked in me and through me and brought me to a place of healing so I could write a book. Not what I originally had in mind, but nevertheless I trust He has my back. Now that I’ve completed that assignment, I feel I’m ready to pursue the next thing He has planned for me. It’s been months of praying and waiting, and what I heard was something old. I felt I’m supposed to resurrect my old idea of launching this community. Weird right? Why would God want me to go back to something that was dead, done, and buried?
Now what I have realized is that when things seem dead and buried, often they are not gone forever but they are incubating waiting for the right time to burst forth. A DELAY is not a DENIAL. Sometimes we are not ready to purse the plan without the necessary tools. We pick up skills along the way so God in His graciousness holds us back until we are ready.
Although I don’t understand His full plan for my life, what I have learned it to trust Him with each step with just enough light He gives me. I’m confident enough to take Him by His word and if He said He will bring it to pass, I’m holding Him to His word.
So as I step out once again to pursue what I feel is God’s calling for my life I’m a little scared, apprehensive and nervous about so many things. But I’m taking this step of faith to re-ignite the fire of purpose and allow God to use me as His chosen vessel to bring to the world what only I am destined to bring.
If you too feel like you were born for more, that you have this fire burning inside of you, that you have this recurring dream or an idea you feel you need to get out into the world; will you join me? Three cords are stronger than one and together, we can change the world!
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